It was late evening when she woke up to an empty room. She hadn’t slept well with all the horrific thoughts in her mind distracting her, scaring the shit out of her. It was not the first time in the last two years, since the incidence, that Jiya was left all alone in the room.
Jiya, frightened by the sight of being alone, also felt a strange comfort in the silence that surrounded her. She got up and sat, taking support from the wall. Her eyes stuck at one place, like that of a corpse, she sat stunned. Jiya would sit hours and hours like this, hopeless and clueless. Her brain flashed the slideshow of memories from that night. Tears would flow unstoppably. “What was my mistake?” her brain would question to God, again and again. Fortunately, after what had happened, she had support from her parents. This was the only fact which was keeping her sane; her parents support and strength. Otherwise, she would have been shattered after her rape.
It was two at night when her car stopped suddenly, while she was returning home. A medical intern by profession, her job demanded early morning waking and late night shifts. Her house was fifteen minutes driving from the hospital. Usually the roads were deserted by the time she got home. That night was no different. She was tired, both mentally and physically after a long day of tests, machines and complaining patients.
She got down from the car, and opened the bonnet. Just like any other normal person, and specially being a medical student, she could understand nothing in there. All she could see in front of her were wires, metals and greece. She brought her face up, turned and looked for some help. Finding none, she closed the bonnet and walked towards the driving seat looking for her mobile phone. But, before she could reach for her phone, a rough, overpowering hand pressed her mouth from behind, and another hand pulled her from across her waist. Her eyes popped out in shock and fear. She tried shouting but no voice could be heard. But still she continued shouting, only making herself more weak. Tears started rolling down her cheek. The ‘human’ who was holding her, dragged her towards a shade nearby. She saw two men with demonic expressions on their faces. Faces-as old as her father-staring down at her, between her legs, like a predator looks at its prey. They pounced at her, hungrily, scratching her bare body, grunting and moaning as they inflicted pain on her. They took turns on her for about half an hour. She still remembered the pain, she still remembered the curse words and she still remembered passing from one old man to another, urging each other to violate her even harder. She still remembered lying in her own sweat, urine and blood. Screaming hollow screams. Her shouts were soundless. No one came.
Next, she remembers waking up in a hospital, to a sobbing mother and two police officers besides her. The doctors confirmed rape and the whole family got surrounded by devastation. But Jiya sat numb. She was shell shocked, motionless, as if her brain has stopped working. Police tried interrogating with Jiya. But Jiya would not speak. Her time has stopped moving. Her life was shattered. She felt filthy.
For about one week after that incidence, Jiya locked herself in a room. She would bath five times a day and would eat soap, to clean herself from within. She felt filthy. She hated her body. She hated herself. After a lot of medical and psychological help, Jiya has completely overcome OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and depression.
Medicine can treat diseases and symptoms. But no medicine can erase the memory. Today, after two years also, she is unable to cope from that disgusting incidence completely. She is afraid of men and somewhere hates them. She never allows any men close to her. Neither does she go out for parties and social gatherings. She still wakes up in mid night, sweating and panting due to the nightmares she has. She had to leave her medical practice, due to her long term leave. She could have joined later, but she saw hope for herself in something else. Now she works for an organisation, who helps needy, lonely and unassisted women. And she tries to lead a normal life.
But the scar in her brain, of that incidence, will never allow her to get back to the same Jiya again. She fakes thousands of smiles to the world, but she dies everytime she remembers that day. Being brave, she tries to cure herself. She decides to shut her minds off to all her memories and tries to create new ones.
But, a lonely, crying and traumatized Jiya still asks to God- “What was my mistake?”
Must read:- A powerful message for all the rape survivors
Is it that difficult for you men to keep your little tool, in there, under control?
Rapes will stop when our society will start asking their sons to behave rather than their daughters.
Forget respect. Women deserve safety atleast.